{"id":538,"date":"2026-06-06T08:32:30","date_gmt":"2026-06-06T08:32:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mncptcc.com\/news\/?p=538"},"modified":"2026-06-06T08:32:40","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T08:32:40","slug":"mental-health-finding-good-days-amidst-your-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mncptcc.com\/news\/?p=538","title":{"rendered":"Mental Health \u2013 Finding Good Days Amidst Your Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

PART ONE<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The air in Trinidad and Tobago feels heavy right now. With the recent surge in violence and the staggering loss of life recorded so far this year, many persons are struggling with a grief that carries its own physical weight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently sat with a young client whose partner was murdered in January, and she was now ready to talk about her grief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do not ever rush the process. Her words to me\u2014\u201dthis pain is unbearable; I don\u2019t want to be here while he is dead\u201d\u2014echo the silent cry of so many survivors. During our session, what was meant to be one hour stretched into three hours, and I did not interrupt the flow of her words, allowing her the necessary grace to simply let the pain out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this month of May which is Mental Health Awareness Month, the focus is on the theme of More Good Days, Together. However, we must acknowledge that for many, a \u2018good day\u2019 is only possible when they are finally given the space to unburden their hearts and thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In many societies when violence strikes, it is a common human instinct to look for reasons or justifications. We subconsciously ask what the victim was doing or why they were in a certain place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In psychology, this is known as the \u2018Just-World Hypothesis\u2019 where we desperately want to believe that if we follow the rules, we will be safe. While this line of thinking is a defence mechanism against our own fear, it creates a secondary trauma for those left behind, because it shifts the focus from support of the survivor to one of suspicion surrounding the death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When people look for reasons to justify a death, the survivor feels they must \u2018defend\u2019 the character of the person they lost. Instead of being allowed to mourn, they are forced into the role of a lawyer, trying to prove their loved one was a \u2018good person\u2019 who didn\u2019t deserve to die, adding more pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To turn this mental health month of May into one of true awareness, we must challenge the need to validate death and instead recognise that a murder or loss is never just a statistic\u2014it is a stolen life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These individuals were sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends and neighbours who belonged to a family that now has an empty seat at the table, an empty space where they once were loved and cared for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Hush-hush\u2019 culture<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Breaking the stigma surrounding violent loss requires us to confront our \u2018hush culture\u2019. Unlike a culture of silence, this \u2018hush-hush\u2019 is often born out of fear\u2014fear of retaliation, fear of judgement by others, or the cultural pressure to keep our \u2018private business\u2019 behind closed doors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This active suppression of pain is very toxic as it isolates the bereaved in a vacuum of terror and shame. To counter this, we must move beyond mere talk and actively create safe spaces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My three-hour session with that young woman was such a space\u2014a sanctuary where the \u2018hush\u2019 was dismantled, and she could speak the unbearable truth of her grief without being told to \u2018be strong\u2019 or to \u2018move on\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grief has no time limit. Let the person grieve and mourn. You can monitor them, making sure that they are safe and are eating and sleeping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In these spaces, we must also redefine what a \u2018good day\u2019 looks like. It is not the sudden return of joy, but the quiet success of a small victory: the morning you find the strength to make a cup of tea, take a shower, or sit by a window for ten minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or listen to a favourite song without feeling guilty for \u2018still being here\u2019. A good day can be the first time you speak your loved one\u2019s name and are met with a shared story\u2014\u2019I remember how he used to make everyone laugh\u2019\u2014which can be a bridge instead of a suspicious silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the absence of meaningful government outreach for survivors, our local institutions\u2014our churches and schools\u2014must step into the gap. Schools are in a strategic position to identify the trauma in children\u2019s lives, providing a stable place where teachers can offer the love and security a grieving child who has lost a parent or a sibling craves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, our churches can rise to the call of complicated grief by creating safe spaces that offer more than prayers, providing practical solutions and a physical sanctuary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By treating victims and survivors as relatives and friends rather than as news headlines, we can help to mend broken hearts and reconstruct lives. Connection is protection, and together, we can ensure that no one in our community has to carry the weight of unbearable grief, alone. Take care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next is part 2: Connection is protection: The involvement of schools and churches<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Dr Margaret Nakhid-Chatoor
Psychologist and educator
mncpsych17@gmail.com<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Credit \u2013\u00a0<\/em>The Catholic News, (catholictt.org)
See the original article\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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